ARTILCES

Solitary Surviving: A PERSONAL ACCOUNT

By: Dhadon Sharling
Since time immemorial, it has hit my conscience that we are human beings and what sets us apart from the other social animals is that we live in a human society where we are not just interdependent but our every little action effects the other individual and likewise the larger society that we live in, which I would prefer to call it as the human family. This global family finds dimensions in terms of space, distance and cultural differences. “The Human being is a dynamic, interactive event in evolution”. Mearns,. Hailing from a staunch Buddhist family, I have found it extremely easy for me to adapt to anything concurrent with my culture. But it was time to turn gears when I landed in an entirely different culture here in Edinburgh where the people, cultural milieu and the social interaction was as different as chalk and cheese. In seven months of trying to adapt to this alien culture, I realised that I am loosing the sheen as a person and the introjections are both positive and negative. The configurations in me which was earlier between emotion and role defined is now becoming overpoweringly situation driven /regard defined and the constellation of these inner parts of me was giving way to a bigger configuration that of a tough girl with a barren attitude towards life.

Prior to coming to Edinburgh to study, I was a cry baby. In fact in my scrap book, my best friend described me as someone `who would cry at the drop of a hat`. This cry baby tag was a part of me that was emotion defined. I grew up in a closed family and my parents showered me with so much love and I was a protected child. Likewise even if I had a small quarrel with my friends or if someone hurt me with trivial things like refusing to concede to my request for a favour. This would get on my nerves and I would never get angry or resent but instead this small hearted side in me takes over and then I found the solution in crying. Even during the course of my post-graduate studies in India, I would dread going to college since I was at boarding and the day before my journey I would sulk the whole day and cry the whole night. This became a routine and the thought of having to live without my parent’s presence for more than six months scarred me and made me feel insecure. The cry baby in me was at its peak when I first reached Edinburgh. It was for the first time that I was travelling abroad by myself. Two days before my journey, I got very emotional and I wondered how I would manage myself without my parents around. On the first night, I found myself wailing and crying like a child. Every new dawn meant another day of crying and missing home. But as months rolled by, life here got challenging in terms of studies and social demands and I realised that this reclusive and emotional side in me will do no good and hence I forged courage and took things in my stride. I tried hard to over come this configuration in me and it is because of the demands of the situation and considering the fact that all the international students are away from their families gave me the strength and today I don’t miss home much as I used to. I can count the number of times I cried in the last six months. From cry baby to am emotionally strong girl, it has been situation driven and regard defined.

The word `attachment` shows the bond between two people in an internal working model set-up. Being a Tibetan Buddhist, I am aware of its core teaching that explains that a lot of human suffering springs from attachment and death is very painful because it calls for detachment from the people you are attached to. This concept has influenced me in my growing years. The Tibetans sense themselves as fortunate and blessed because His Holiness the Dalai Lama is the spiritual and political leader of Tibet and the institution of the Dalai Lama is 17 centuries old. For the Tibetans He is an enlightened being, a manifestation of the God of Compassion (Chenrizeg) who has taken a human form to bless and guide Tibetans and Tibet. The Dalai Lama is an identify tag for the Tibetans. Since my childhood, I have grown up in the aura of the Dalai Lama. Every Tibetan house has huge portraits of the Dalai Lama and every morning meant praying for His Long life. Likewise, I have a very secure attachment with the Dalai Lama. In terms of Internal working model, the Dalai Lama is God-King of Tibet, a spiritually enlightened, immortal being, epitome of peace, an eternal embodiment and a leader with innate compassion, trustworthy, reassuring and the self is a sincere soul, full of respect and reverence, of spiritual affinity, completely engrossed in the magnificence of my spiritual leader. When I feel that someone is showing disrespect or disregard to the Dalai Lama, I turn aggressive and feel let down. I am experiencing a protective attachment where the self is protective of the other. Even though here in Edinburgh, I am away from a Tibetan cultural set-up, but the portrait of the Dalai Lama still dons my room and my scared rosary bead which has the blessing of the Dalai Lama is always a part of my attire. The attachment is sublime and inexplicable that cannot be defined in mere words. It is a karmic bond. Every time I feel low or depressed in life, I listen to the teachings of the Dalai Lama and read one of his books and this has been the most soothing and inspiring experience. The sight of this spiritual simpleton encourages me to heed in life. It is the most secure attachment exuding subliminal positive regard. This attachment is of purely psychological, of the spirit and mind and will defy time and space. I am confident that in my next life, if I am reborn as a Tibetan, this secure attachment will continue. It is an eternal journey.

Looking back at my journey of life, I am one of the fortunate children to have got a protected childhood from my parents and with the blessings of our spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama. Life has not been a difficult and God willing it will be a smooth sail. Of all relations in my life, I have not experienced avoidant nor disorganized attachment